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SOLUTIONS THROUGH FORUMS
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BREAKING THE SILENCE THAT IS LIKE AIR: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, YOUTH VOICES AND INTER-GENERATIONAL CHALLENGES |
By INDIRA PRAHST, Instructor of Race and Ethnic Relations, Department of Sociology, Langara College, Vancouver
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Part of the solution to the multifaceted problem of domestic violence is to have forums that seek to engage the public in informed dialogue about the root causes of domestic violence. According to Raminder Dosanjh, "one of the values of forums is that it creates debate and dialogue resulting in a better understanding of the issues at hand. Forums are also tools for education and empowerment because you learn and draw strength from each other moving another step closer to bringing about change."
Last November, Langara College held a forum organized by the Sociology Department where students and the public shared their concerns about domestic violence and how connected they were to some of the recent violent tragedies. The urgent need for such a forum revealed itself when I received an e-mail from my sociology student last November about missing class to attend the funeral of her close cousin Parmjit Ghuman, the one who shot his wife Gurjeet Ghuman (who is now permanently blind) and then turned the gun on himself. At the forum, some students came forward and spoke openly not as victims, but as role models for breaking the silence while others expressed concern about gender inequalities within the home which has made women susceptible to abuse.
A key issue raised among young women today is the inter-generational challenges between parents and youth, how double standards are being imposed as well as conservative codes of behavior. Although some women enjoy picking both worlds there are others who are struggling and find themselves trapped in a double life of tradition and modernity. Of concern for some youth is the inability to sit as equals with their parents, which has marred their ability to develop the necessary skills to be resilient against domestic violence.
The lack of understanding and overpowering of parents has forced some youth to lead double lives. This is not to be underestimated in its adverse effects especially when parents don't know what their kids are up to. Some of the women speak of their female friends who latch onto the first guy that gives them the attention they crave. This situation places these women in a more vulnerable position of abuse which their boyfriends may exploit. It is paramount to add that this double life has had a devastating impact on their self-esteem and their studies because of the stress of living in fear and guilt for lying. It is indeed a vicious cycle which young women are feeling the urgency to expose and in the words of college student Supreeti Ghosh, "what is crucial for parents to know is that you should not force your kid to live a double life, they should be able to come to you and talk to you." Indeed there is a clash of young and old and we need to shed light onto these issues to prevent more youth from being alienated by their parents and vulnerable to abuse.
Bridging the gap of this disconnect between parents and youth are among some of the issues and solutions that will be explored on October 4 at a Langara College follow-up forum titled: "Domestic Violence, Intergenerational issues & Solutions: Women and men in the South Asian community speak out."
The upcoming forum seeks to provide a platform for youth voices to be heard, voices which are often nullified. According to student Sandip, "The first forum empowered us because we had a voice in the community which had been silenced for so long." Attorney General Wally Oppal had these words of encouragement for the upcoming forum: "I think it's important to be speaking out about issues of domestic violence in the Indo-Canadian community, and I am impressed to see such a healthy roster of youth that are committed to the conversation, and who are contributing so much to making forums like this take place." Mr Oppal' s words are not only on a cerebral level, he has devoted much of his time to listen, advise and encourage the youth to get other women to speak out, even up to the day before his operation.
The goal of the forum is to examine inter-generational issues with a focus on three themes: Gendered attitudes, double lives and the image of South Asian men and women. This will be presented by three students - Supreeti Ghosh, Sandip Rakhra and Ashley Sandhu - with three specialists on panel - Raminder Dosanjh, Shashi Assanand and Kamilla Singh. The public will be invited to participate in the dialogue which will be moderated by CBC TV anchor Ian Hanomansing.
With such an emotionally charged subject such as domestic violence it is paramount to contextualize the issue as one that transcends all cultural and socio-economic groups. Equally important, is to apply different perspectives. Exposing all angles of the root causes is crucial for people and youth to formulate their own understanding of the issue and not impose viewpoints. Some analysis will revolve around the culture of patriarchy which Sunera Thobani,UBC professor, pointed out at the last forum stating: "The cultural argument takes away from an understanding of power relationships. Yet in the case of South Asian we hear that South Asian culture accepts violence more and sanctions it less. Just because it expresses itself in cultural specific ways, it does not mean that this oppression is inherent or intrinsic in the culture."
Upcoming forum panelist Raminder Dosanjh believes that part of the process of change involves the need to "continuously question and challenge those beliefs and practices that devalue women and promote sexism in society." Some norms and values expressed in cultural practices will be debunked and questioned by the youth and through the play Athe/Uthe which Raji Basi will be performing some scenes. CBC's national documentary "Silent like air" (which featured the voices of the Langara College students and the "ear" of Wally Oppal) producer, Teresa Goff, will speak about the documentary.
Words of empowerment and advice will come from the voice Gurjeet Ghuman whom I visited a few months ago and who said: "None of the other women are living. I am the only one. I am going to do begin to speak out loud, hoping to make a difference because no woman should be going through what I went through." The second voice will come from Serf Grewal, a respected lawyer and past victim of abuse, who will also tell his story and what men can do to protect themselves. Dr. Patti Janssen will speak about her research and the forum will conclude with empowering statements from Senator Mobina Jaffer, Q.C.
Empowerment is a strong word filled with meaning and according to Shashi Assanand, "it is embedded in inclusion of our voices and hearing what we or others have to say also means support." Empowerment also involves continued encouragement which is given by Kamilla Singh in her words: "I am truly amazed by the commitment the students and organizers of the forum have shown in their proactive stance in keeping violence awareness and prevention on the radar." Even strong women need encouragement as Langara student Ashley points out: "Seeing educated women being victimized can bring down an empowered women in her own right who has worked hard to get where she is."
To learn more or participate in the dialogue: The event is on Thursday October 4, 7-9 p.m. at Langara College, Lecture Hall A130, 100 West 49th Avenue, Vancouver (by the main entrance on 49th Avenue). RSVP is strongly advised to avoid being seated in the overflow room as the lecture hall is almost full.
To learn more or RSVP, contact Indira Prahst at (604) 323-5717 or iprahst@langara.bc.ca.
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